collegeministry.com

CollegeMinistry.com in 2012

by Brad Baker

©CollegeMinistry.com 2012

Perhaps you’ve wondered why there’s been a 32 day gap between our last blog post and today.  Granted the Holidays played into it, but the real reason for the silence is all the work going into the 2.0 version of CollegeMinistry.com.  We are just a few short hours away from launching the brand new site!  This collaborative project has been in the works for months now and the anticipation we feel in palpable.  From a fresh mission and vision, to countless unique features the new site is sure to engage a wide variety of college ministry leaders.  Seeing that we are so close to the launch I won’t spoil it by telling you everything about site.  However I can’t resist giving you a little preview.

First, the new mission and vision is simple and engaging.   

Our Mission:  To serve and strengthen existing college ministries and those that lead them.

Our Vision:  To start hundreds of new college ministries in locations where they’re desperately needed.  Our desire is that CollegeMinistry.com is less of a site you visit and more of movement you fully buy into.

Second, the leadership is shared, open and collaborative.  There are 9 “Official Contributors” who love learning alongside fellow college ministry leaders like you.  Moreover CollegeMinistry.com invites everyone to lead by sharing what they’ve learned and created.  Collaboration, co-creating and connecting are at the heart of everything we aim to do. 

Third, the new features provide an online environment unlike any presently available for college ministry leaders.  For far too long college ministry has played second fiddle to Jr. High and High School.  The desire for strong churched and campus based college ministries is reflected in how much time, energy and thought has been put into the new site.  Here are just a few of the features you’ll be able to enjoy.

 -The first ever job bank and resrouce store designated exclusively for college ministry. 

-A monthly subscription that gives you access to an online collaborator’s form, resource bank that’s updated weekly and a College Ministry Tool Kit that’s sent to your doorstep at the start of each semester. 

-Subscribers also enjoy free tickets to an annual CM training event held in Southern California, personal coaching from an Official Contributor and entry into an amazing monthly giveaway that’s sure to make you smile

Ok I’ve said way too much.  Before your head hits the pillow tonight the new site will launch.  The next time you type www.collegeministry.com  into your address bar you’re in for a totally new experience.   

We feel so honored and excited to be partner with you to reach and disciple the Millennial Generation.

Celebrating Christmas and a Changed Life

By Lisa Birle

I might be the only person on earth who actually loves writing Christmas cards.  (If I have your address, chances are you’re getting one—You’re welcome!)  As I was writing, addressing, and stamping away, I came across the name of a student who I met earlier this year who is relatively new to our community.  Our first time getting to know each other was the result of an e-mail she had sent our team…an e-mail that bled with a heart aching for truth.  This student had grown up going to church but had hit a transition in her faith.  This year, she wrestled through claiming her personal faith as her own, and not just believing things because her parents did.

This student and I met up at Starbucks early in the summer and had a great conversation.  She asked such great, legitimate questions about whether God is real, how we can believe him, and explained her frustrations and confusion about feeling him and knowing him.  We had a great chat and shared some stories, and I gave her some action steps—to continue to pray, to continue to attend a small group, and to ask someone on staff two questions every week about God.  Our team also sent her some books.  What I wanted to encourage her to do was be in constant dialogue with God, with community (her small group), and with someone who could give her answers to her tough questions (Crave staff), and to know that our team and community were here to love and support her through her doubts.

Fast-forward to December.  This student regularly serves at our weekly service and never misses a week.  She attended our fall retreat which focused on hearing God’s voice in our lives and responding to Him.  She heard God’s heart cry out to her—and she responded.  She was baptized after the retreat and God has developed a passion in her for working with children.  I have seen a softened heart and attitude in her, a desire to continue to draw hear to him, and so much more joy radiating from her when I see her now.  She’s such an important part of our community and such an encouragement to me personally. 

The reason I thought about this student as I was writing Christmas cards is because this is her first Christmas having a deep, personal, intimate relationship with Christ.  I am so excited for her to experience his true joy and peace as she celebrates him this Christmas, and I thank God for the many students who can celebrate Christmas this year—for the first time, in a sense—understanding how deeply God’s heart cares for them and how much they are cherished.  Our God is mighty to save!  What a life-changing truth to be walking in as Christmas approaches…what a reason to rejoice!

Take some time to think about what God has done through your ministry this year.  Which students know him this Christmas who didn’t know him last Christmas?  I’m so grateful to have seen the journey that God brought this particular student through this year…and even more excited to see her continue to understand his rescuing love and amazing purposes for her life.  Christmas is truly such a profound time of celebration—for the gift that God gave us, and for those who receive that gift.  As we head to our staff Christmas parties, fuss over gift wrapping and decorating, and stress about services, let us take time to be in awe and thank God for the hope that the birth of Christ illuminates the world with on Christmas.

Jesus said to the people, "I am the light of the world. If you follow me, you won't be stumbling through the darkness, because you will have the light that leads to life." John 8:12

May your Christmas be merry and bright.

Integrated College Ministry

by Brad Baker

An integrated college ministry is a rare breed these days.  We’ve seen countless young adult ministries take shape with little, if any, meaningful connection with the church as a whole.  They function largely as an island and then wonder why students aren’t making the transition to ‘big church’ when they finish college.  I’ll be the first to admit that it’s much easier in most cases to build a college ministry without worrying about the coming transition every student will inevitably face.  However, we do them a huge disservice if we don’t paint our ministry into the context of the overall church.  If we don’t, the students in our ministry won’t get the importance of assimilating.  I know far too many friends in their late twenties who stopped going to church once they felt too old for college ministry.  They got attached (in an unhealthy way) to how the ministry felt and catered to their needs. In an effort to curb this trend, I have been implementing the following strategies with some modest success.  

#1.  Identify Key Church-wide Initiatives

HIV/AIDS and the country of Rwanda have and continue to be large areas of emphasis for our church.  As a result, we do whatever we can to tie the hearts of our students to what God is doing in those areas. When students start serving in those areas, two things happen.  First, their hearts connect with the vision God has given the senior pastor.  Second, they naturally connect with the older demographic and sense that they are part of something larger.

#2.  Think Gender Connection

If at all possible, we plan our calendar around some of the larger gatherings for men and women.  We love to take our young men on the Men’s Ministry retreats.  We love to encourage our young ladies to join a mid-week Bible study full of young moms and older ladies.

#3.  Promote Serving Opportunities Outside the College Ministry

College pastors should pursue other ministries in the church.  They should all be given time to recruit college students to serve in their areas at specific times throughout the year.  Our students serving in the larger congregation is huge when it comes to assimilation.    

#4.  Invite the other Pastors

The senior pastor should be invited to attend and speak (if doable) a few times a year.  Look for a way to honor them and express appreciation in front of your students. 

#5.  Re-examine the Goal

At the end of the day, college ministry has a lot to do with sending people out.  We all know the college-age are a highly transient group of people.  In a perfect world, we’d love for them to be a part of our church from now until they’re ninety.  However, the vast majority will move away.  Some will teach English in Japan.  Others will get married and move to live near parents.  The point is not that they assimilate into ‘our’ church but rather ‘a’ church.

As long as age-based ministries exist, there will be a need for an affective assimilation and transition plans.

Lost Time is Never Found

by LISA BIRLE

We are blessed to be connected in a church community, but do you remember how scary and awkward that process might have been?  Not knowing anyone, wondering if you belong?  We must remember that not everyone who comes to our ministry is connected or even has meaningful, loving relationships in their lives.  Because of this, we must be intentional with listening to the Holy Spirit's nudgings that are telling us to introduce ourselves to people standing by themselves, to greet people with warm smiles and handshakes, and make sure no one comes into our community gatherings without feeling welcomed.  Making sure we are INTENTIONALLY reaching out to others, especially new people, is always important, but even more so during seasons of transition (when high school grads start attending in summer, when school starts and attendance increases, etc.)!  We challenge our Crave staff and key volunteers to step out of their comfort zones to make sure others feel loved.

One of the ways we do that is by challenging our team to practice the 5-Minute Rule after our weekly service.  When the service is over, we make sure to introduce ourselves to the people around, be present in the main hallway where people hang out afterwards, or just hang out by the door as people leave.  For FIVE MINUTES after the service, we try to avoid talking to our friends and try to build connections and conversations with people we don’t already know.  As staff and key leaders, we want people to see that we are engaged, available, and visible in our community.

Some verses to think about regarding the Five-Minute Rule are:

"Therefore love the stranger, for you were strangers in the land of Egypt." Deut. 10:19 (Or, exchange 'Egypt' for 'Crave' or the name of your ministry.)

"Do not be forgetful of hospitality, for by this some have entertained angels without knowing it." Heb. 13:2  (Yep, God said it twice.)

"For if you love those who love you, what reward have you? Do not even the tax collectors do the same?  And if you greet your brethren only, what do you do more than others? Do not even the tax collectors do so?  Therefore you shall be perfect, just as your Father in heaven is perfect." Matt 5:46-48 (Kinda sounds like the 5-Minute Rule, huh?)

You can create an environment each week that is known for being a place full of God’s love…you just need to be intentional about it.

3 Tips for Starting a College Ministry

by Brad Baker

1 in 4 Millennials report not having a specific religious affiliation.  What a perfect time to launch a ministry to reach and develop 18-25 year olds.  If you wondering where to begin allow me to share some ideas (most of which come from my mistakes and what I wish I would have done when I begin 12 years ago). 

#1.  Think of yourself as a cross-cultural missionary

Today’s access to technology (on average Millennials own 2.4 internet connected devices) has fragmented this generation into thousands of sub-cultures huddled around their particular area of interest, talent or expertise.  Name the area of interest and Millennials now have a global community they can access 24/7.  This means to reach people we’ll likely need to ‘break’ into their world a bit.  Add to this that every campus has its own set of unwritten cultural rules and ‘missionary’ becomes the right title for the typical college ministry leader.

#2.  Build a team from the start

No matter how passionate and gifted you won’t be very effective in college ministry without first recognizing your limitations.  The effective college ministry leader needs student leaders, parental-figure leaders, peer leaders, older mentors and so on.  Without sharing the ministry load you’ll likely burn out or limit your ministry to the 10 or so you can invest in personally.

#3.  Do everything with your end goal in mind

Far too many ministries master meeting students “where they are” but forget to think much about where they want to take them after the connection is made.  Self-feeding, local-church committed and quickly advancing to adulthood (relationally, emotionally and spiritually) are a few of the end goals I work towards.  Keep in mind they won’t be in your college ministry long and you must do everything you can to integrate them into a local church.  Isn’t that where we want them to put down long term roots?  This is particularly vital if you're a campus-based ministry leader and tend to operate somewhat isolated from the local congregations around you.  If they fall in love with your campus ministry instead of the local church you’ve done them a huge disservice.  After graduation they will scratch their heads wondering what happened to their cozy little community and context for spiritual renewal/growth. 

The majority of the fuel for any space mission is used during the launch.  If you’re at the beginning of your journey to reach and disciple college students take heart!   Starting a college ministry is well worth the effort because the payout is ‘life-change’.  Life-change lasts forever!  Transformation only comes when God’s people willing surrender to the work of leading others to Jesus.  What could be more important?  Nothing!           

The Great Non-Negotiable of Every Healthy College Ministry

by Lisa Birle

I’ve been taking a seminary class this semester that’s challenged me to examine my leadership skills and think about my strengths and weaknesses.  This isn’t the most fun thing in the world—obviously, our human nature and natural tendencies work constantly against our better desires and good intentions (read Romans 7).  Examining should lead to change, but change creates anxiety, which is something we naturally want to avoid.  Plus, the pressure of deadlines and urgent ministry needs distracts us from pouring time and effort into our personal growth.  The excuse will always be “I have too much work to do.”  But it’s important to reflect on the habits that hold us back from reaching our potential to lead well.  Here are some steps to think about as you seek to grow in your leadership and in ministry: 

• Put it on paper!  Just writing an action down will make you more likely to do it.  Outlining what needs to be done, when, and with whom, helps you to visualize your outcome, reduce confusion, and provides a goal against which you can measure your progress.  Decide your own personal growth goals, and then write down a couple of practical action steps to meet that goal.  For example, a personal goal I am working on is paying more attention to my often neglected emotional and physical health. 
• Make your change specific and measurable, then check up on yourself every day.  If your change isn’t specific, and you don’t check up on yourself, it’s just a powerless wish.  Don’t kid yourself. For example, the action steps I am taking to pay more attention to my physical and emotional health include working out twice a week, reading one fun book a month, and blogging on my personal blog once a week—these are measurable steps that are helping me be physically active, emotionally healthy, and spiritually refreshed.  They are also are improving my time management skills and boundaries in ministry.
• Get help!  Enlist a partner (or several!) in your change.  Schedule a weekly check-in time, either by phone or meeting, to assess how you are growing and changing.  I meet monthly with a group of peers that don’t tell me what I need to do to improve, but rather give me feedback about what areas to work on.  For instance, I recently taught at a service and then asked some trusted peers for their feedback.  Now, um, I know to, like, work on using “ums” and “likes” when I teach next time.  We rarely break old habits on our own, by ourselves.  God has wired us so that we need each other to get well, change, and grow.
• Be encouraged.  If you’re not meeting your goals, don’t give up.  Spiritual and personal formation is a life-long process.  You’ll make mistakes and probably won’t meet every goal right away.  Make sure that you are finding refreshment and encouragement from personal time with God and also from others.  You’ll need people to walk you through confusion or difficult times who will be there the share your frustrations and disappointments with.  (They’ll also be there to celebrate in your victories!)

Commit to your (and your team’s) development as believers and leaders.  Remember: 

• When you are given support and feedback on a weekly basis from peers, your motivation to use a new skill or knowledge increases dramatically.
• Reflect on how you are applying new skills and information in your life and ministry.
• When challenging your team in their personal growth, know that the key to helping them is your presence as a strong, caring leader.  Guide, encourage, and hold them accountable just as you seek people to do the same in your life.
• Growth happens best when women meet with women and men meet with men.  This allows for more authentic sharing and strong relationships.

If you’re not taking the time to develop healthy personal and spiritual growth habits, the consequences will sooner than later affect your leadership team and ministry.  Skimming on your personal development will catch up with you, create stress, and increasingly make you less effective.  Don’t limit the progress of your ministry or force it to leave you behind.  Growing churches and ministries require growing staff and leadership. This is the great non-negotiable of every healthy college ministry.

Melting the 'Cold' of Your College Ministry

by Lisa Birle

I am always blown away by the constant stream of new people that God brings to our community.  I never want to take for granted that each week someone new is walking into our ministry for the very first time.  It’s good to think through how they may be feeling and what thoughts are rolling through their mind as they enter the unfamiliar environment.  Do they feel noticed and warmly welcomed?  Are there easy next steps for them to find out more and get connected to others?    It takes intentionality on the part of staff and the student leadership of a ministry if the needs of the newcomers are to be met.  We don’t always think through how they are going to assimilate into our ministry.  As a result we can lose about as many people as we add in any given month. 

 It’s important to remind your core volunteers and leaders at your weekly service that not everyone who comes to church knows Jesus Christ or has ever been to church before.  This seems so obvious but it’s often the basic stuff that we overlook over time.  We forget about how anxious and vulnerable students might feel on the “foreign turf” of a church campus.  We forget that often, visitors are coming to church because something painful, empty, or enslaving is going on in their life and they are giving church and God a chance for the first time.  Challenge your leadership team (via sporadic but timely e-mails or short team meetings pre-service) to have your eyes wide open to look for those people who are standing alone, who you don’t recognize, who look nervous.  We never, ever want someone to leave church feeling ignored, or judged, or misunderstood, or unwanted, or forgotten.  What if they leave believing that’s how God feels about them?  Reaching out to someone new might cost your time, maybe even your image, and often your comfort.  But Jesus did not value those things before people, and we shouldn’t, either.

While this value needs to be part of the heartbeat of your ministry and entire leadership team, a specific ministry that is devoted to the art of welcoming, reaching out, and creating a hospitable environment every week is also a great way to make sure your ministry is intentional about creating a loving environment.  We have a greeting/hospitality team that we call the “First Impressions” team, because the interactions that these volunteers make when they reach out to people are often the first impression they make of our ministry…and maybe even of God.

The First Impressions Team is led by a volunteer, who is supported by a staff member.  The volunteer leader makes sure that greeters are at the doors fifteen minutes before the start of our service to hand out pens and bulletins.  Greeters also float around in our auditorium and introduce themselves to students who are sitting by themselves, often asking if they can sit with them so they’re not by themselves.  We also position greeters outside to wish students a great night and thank them for coming.

Again, it’s great to have a specific ministry team for hospitality and greeting purposes, but the entire leadership team of your ministry needs to be an example of modeling a heightened awareness of the needs of the students around them.  Our leadership team is committed to pushing ourselves, and our volunteers, out of our comfort zones of friends to introduce ourselves to new people.  There is so much pain and brokenness that we are all going through, and it’s important to be mindful of the fact that showing someone God’s love through a caring conversation or a simple hug can make a difference in someone’s week.  In many cases it’s what ushers in the healing and transformation love of God!

Here are some practical ways your greeting/leadership team can show God’s heart to those who are new or disconnected…

1. Find students who are sitting alone and ask if you can sit with them.  Introduce yourself to them.
2. Pray for divine appointment in your conversations with people.
3. Seek out people who look new or confused about the building.  Ask them where they go to school, if they work, if they’re new, how they found out about Crave, etc.
4. If you do find someone who’s new, tell them about connecting with a small group and invite them to upcoming events—help familiarize them with your ministry.  Introduce them to your friends.
5. If your students have a normal hangout after your service (our students often go to In-N-Out Burger), invite new people to join you.  Help them feel connected.
6. Introduce new people to your staff and key volunteers or to students who are “regulars” who can help introduce them around.  When we know a student is coming to our midweek worship experience for the first time, we often ask a volunteer to “host” them by showing them around, sitting with them, and introducing them to others.
7. Ask that the Holy Spirit would put someone specific on your heart to pray with or for.

“…encourage one another and build each other up, just as in fact you are doing.”  1 Thessalonians 5:11

“Dear children, let us not love with words or tongues but with actions and in truth.”  1 John 3:18

Download FIRST IMPRESSIONS TEAM description

Is Your College Ministry Sticky?

 

By Lisa Birle and Lindsay Kulick

We’ve learned in our ministry that community is one of the biggest reasons students come to church—and stay at church.  So every week, we make an announcement from the stage for our first and second-time guests to visit the “10-Minute Party” after the message.  It’s ten minutes, so it’s short, and it’s a party, so it’s fun!  The goal of the 10MP is to welcome new students, get their information so we can follow up with them the following week, give them a welcome gift and other resources, answer any questions they may have about our ministry, and help them feel welcome.

The 10MP is a simple table that is set up in our main foyer where students hang out after the service.  We have banners, fun table cloths, and a bowl of candy.  (If you want to make it more of a party, you can add Christmas lights, music, and even ask a volunteer to make cupcakes or brownies.)  The table is usually manned by two volunteers and sometimes a staff member. We welcome new people and ask them to fill out a bright-colored connection card with their name, number, and e-mail.  We also have Bibles if the student needs one, a staff-recommended book that we give them as a welcome gift (The Ragamuffin Gospel by Brennan Manning is a great book for a new believer.), small group forms, and any other fliers or information that will point the student to places of connection.  These free resources are a great way to bless someone’s brand new or recommitted walk with God and connect them to a community that will encourage and support them in their walk.

Part of the connection process at the 10MP is getting to know the student—asking them what brought them to Crave, how they heard about our ministry, where they work or go to school, what they’re passionate about (we often write down some of this info on the back of their card after they leave, to remember them better).  We try hard to remember their name and face (facebook is a great tool for this!).  The chaos and noise of an after-service crowd can certainly be distracting, but we make an effort to stay focused on new students and use eye contact as much as possible; being engaged is key.  We want to show them that it matters to us that they are there.

The purpose of the 10MP is to connect people to the community. That is why following up with new students is so important! A couple days after the service, give them a call!  We usually have a volunteer follow up—girls call girls and guys call guys.  Ask them how they liked the service, if they have any questions, or if they want any resources to get more involved.  We’ll tell them what’s happening this week at our ministry as well.  A phone call is key; e-mail can be impersonal so try calling them first. At the end of the conversation thank them for their time and tell them you look forward to seeing them at church again.

Make new students feel welcomed, cherished, and accepted.  By showing them we care and want them in our community, we are showing them that God cares and wants them in His family.

Appreciating Those That Make It Happen

 

by Lisa Birle

As one season of ministry quickly dissolves into the next, it’s easy to slip into cruise control without reflecting on the challenges, trials, victories, and blessings that your ministry and community brings.  With all the busyness and fun that comes with full-time ministry, it’s so important to note the sacrifice, sharing, and service of the amazingly generous and thoughtful people who volunteer and serve.  Here’s why volunteer appreciation is so important: 

1. Duh…It encourages and builds up your volunteers.  They need to know that their service matters.  Your kind, encouraging, affirming words remind them that they are valuable and valued.
2. It rejuvenates your volunteers and encourages them to continue to serve faithfully.  When people feel appreciated and affirmed and realize that what they do has value, they’ll invest more in it and enjoy it longer…it helps them feel equipped and refreshed.
3. Because “When you extend hospitality to Christian brothers and sisters, even when they’re strangers, you make the faith visible.”  3 John 1:15.  When we show hospitality, care, and gratitude to people, we are making our faith visible to them.  We aren’t “nice” to people because we’re “supposed” to be.  The implications of loving and being thankful for others are SO MUCH BIGGER than we often realize—we have the opportunity to treat people in a way that shows them who God is!  Make the decision to make your faith visible to your volunteers by loving them.
4. It will foster a heart of gratitude in you and keep your eyes open and your mind aware of people you are thankful for.  Gratitude is the antidote to many things that can destroy a heart for ministry—greed, jealously, cynicism, selfishness, thoughtlessness, entitlement, and discouragement.  The enemy so easily gets a foothold into our hearts through these often subtle shifts in our attitudes.  Combat them with generous amounts of gratitude.

Here are some of my favorite ways to show thanks to our volunteers at Crave: 

1. A hand-written letter sent to their home.  Yep, I like being old school sometimes.  And in the sea of bills and junk mail, what a simple note has the capacity to mean to someone—who feels unappreciated, undervalued, unloved, forgotten—is ridiculous in comparison to the time and effort it takes to write one.
2. Show some love on facebook.  During our weekly services, I write down students’ names who I see helping or who look like they need encouragement so I don’t forget.  Then I just write a simple message on their facebook wall.  Public acknowledgement of someone’s service allows and invites others to “like” and appreciate them as well.
3. For larger events that have required an extra-huge time and work commitment, I give gift cards to our volunteers, or take them to lunch or coffee, and make sure I tell them how much they mean to our ministry.
4. Pray for and with your volunteers.  Ask them how their week was and how you can pray for them.  What a powerful way to care for your volunteers!

Be known as the most grateful ministry at your church.  Have you ever thought about how much someone meant to you, but didn’t bless that person by letting them know?  I know I have let opportunities slip away.  Those seemingly small words of encouragement, those little acts of appreciation, little gifts, encouraging notes…they’re so meaningful.  Be intentional with blessing the volunteers in your ministry this week with kindness and gratitude.  And remember—this isn’t optional and can’t fall to the wayside when you’re “busy”—the health of your volunteers and your community depends upon you being an example of constant affirmation, love, and gratitude!

"...let us consider how we may spur one another on toward love and good deeds." Hebrews 10:24

 "Let everything you say be good and helpful so that your words will be an encouragement to those who hear them." Ephesians 4:29

Transition in Technicolor

 

by Brad Baker

Almost everything in the lives of college students and twenty-somethings is in flux.  In fact, the transitional season of those in late adolescence has extended for those in the Millennial Generation.  Sociologists tell us that people are marrying later, finishing college later, and settling into a career path later.  The massive changes felt by those entering and exiting late adolescence is enough to overwhelm and even paralyze the typical college student. The logistical side of all the change is only part of the picture for our students.  The far more important shift taking place is within them; the ultimate landing spot of their worldview is up for grabs.  This is why there must be an urgency and intentionality in our ministry to Millennials.  Urgent because we only have them for a few years and we need to provide guidance and comfort as they weather the long storm that is late adolescence.  Intentionality because they’re asking specific questions that will get answered one way or another.  If we don’t help them find answers then someone else will, and we have little to no control over who that ‘someone’ might be.

Here’s a bit about how we’ve structured things in our ministry to accommodate the above realities. 

#1.  We know what each context in our ministry is meant to accomplish

Large Group Time—EXPOSE people to the God of the Bible, the work of Jesus and his purpose for their lives (community, discipleship, ministry, mission and worship).

Medium and Small Groups—EXPERIENCE the God of the Bible, the work of Jesus and his purpose of their lives (community, discipleship, ministry, mission and worship).       

Individual Life—EXPRESS the realities of the God of the Bible, the work of Jesus and his purpose for their lives (community, discipleship, ministry, mission and worship).      

#2.  We try to offer a balanced diet to our students.  Our large group, small group and individual life programs focus on the complete expression of his heart.  We balance sermon content, small group studies and individual resources/opportunities between the following:

Community—You were made for God’s family.  

Discipleship—God wants you to daily grow to be more like him.

Ministry—God has uniquely designed you to server his church, your community and the world at large (personality, passions, spiritual gifts, abilities and experiences).

Mission—Your life is meant to tell the story of God’s heart.  You are made to share Jesus with those that don’t yet know him.

Worship—You are meant to see God’s glory and respond with a surrendered life. 

#3.  We are ready to adapt our methods on the fly to meet an ever-changing culture and generation with the healing, freeing message of Jesus.  In other words, the above ministry template is just a framework.  The framework isn’t black and white and it’s only the leadership team, with the help of the Holy Spirit, that make it come to life in a way that connects in our unique ministry setting.  For example, we did an entire series a few years back called “Friend Me” to recognize how Facebook was changing social interaction for our students.    

Is Your Ministry Full of Division?

 

We are nearing the end of a 16 week series on the book of Romans.   Although I've enjoyed every week of the series, weeks 12 and 14 were especially meaningful for our community.  Both weeks focused on the health and unity of the local church.  If you've been in ministry any length of time you know that divisive issues and individuals can take center stage very quickly.  This reality means we as leaders must keep close watch and help to diffuse and resolve potentially explosive situations.  Below are the 2 messages I gave on the topic.  Enjoy!   

Download Romans 12

Download Romans 14

 

Celebrating Spiritual Growth...

By Brad Baker 

I don’t know if you’re like me but I’m an expert in forgetting. I forget where my keys are.  I forget my 
friends’ birthdays. I forget where I parked at the mall.  I forget what I need to buy at the grocery store.  I forget my wife’s specific Chipotle order.  Worst of all I forget the things God does in and through me. At times I even forget what I’d previously known and experienced of his heart.  Throughout the Old and New Testament God had to remind his people who he was and just how faithful he’d been to them. 

In recent months I’ve been reminded of the importance of commemorating important events.  Every year we take our college students on 2 retreats (Fall and Winter). Every year without fail God does more than we thought possible in the hearts and minds of students (not to mention ours).  We are left speechless at God’s love and his power to transform our hearts time and time again.  The only problem is we often forget to commemorate what happened.  In time all we remember was that the retreat was good but the specifics are embedded deep into our grey matter never to be recovered again.  Remembering to commemorate what God does empowers our students to follow through on what they learned and experienced.  This means something different for each individual, small group and community of believers.  Here are a couple of things that have helped us ‘build Ebenezers’ of remembrance in the lives of college students.

—Don’t go on a retreat without giving every student a journal.  Granted some already have one but by doing this you show the how much you value them writing down how God moves in their lives.

—Have some sort of prayer/praise wall during the retreat that can them be displayed after the retreat is over.

—Challenge them to tell their small group their top 3 highlights of the retreat.

—Some students are more artistically inclined.  Encourage and equip these students to write poems, draw/paint pictures and compose a song.

—Have a student give a testimony during your large group gathering that connects with what happened to him/her on the retreat

—Another idea is to bring a top notch videographer to shoot and edit a retreat video.  Below is an example of the video made for our 2010 fall retreat.

If we believe that God’s work on the human heart is second to nothing in our ministry, then shouldn’t we do everything possible to celebrate and commemorate his handiwork?  

“Then Samuel took a stone and set it up between Mizpah and Shen. He named it Ebenezer, saying, ‘Thus far the LORD has helped us.’”                                                                                     I Samuel 7:12 NIV

 

Crave Fall Retreat 2010 from arielamaro video on Vimeo.

The Glory of Wanting to Quit…

 
by Brad Baker

If you’ve been in ministry for long at all you know that at times you want to run.  When conflict and division surface and people start attacking each other (and even you), you’re left thinking, "This isn’t what I signed up for."  When it gets really bad, you toss and turn at night and your only solace comes when you open the laptop and look at job openings at other churches.  You imagine a pain-free, worry-free ministry position that will cost you little, if any, personal discomfort.  Before the internal storm passes, you draft a speech in your mind about leaving your job.  You plan the time and place to deliver your news before attempting to sleep through what’s left of your ongoing night.   Been there?  Most of us have.  Unfortunatley far too many of us act on our restless stirring and leave full-time youth work or go on a search for the dream ministry job. 

When you find yourself in this position, here are a couple of things to consider…

#1.  The worst time to leave a ministry is in a storm.  When things are brutally hard, our leadership is often needed the most.  Maybe what’s happening at your church is worth you leaving, but leaving at the pinnacle of chaos is not a good idea.  You need time to think, pray, and process with mentors after the drama has died down a bit.

#2.  Most of us aren’t very confortable dealing with ongoing tension and unresolved conflicts.  They can wear us down and make us absolutely miserable.  The real question for me has become, “What’s making you so miserable, Brad?”  A lot times, it’s more about me than the actual situation I am dealing with.  For example, if people in our ministry are angry because they say my teaching isn’t “deep enough,” it might be my insecurities that are making it so hard to handle.  Or if there is a huge conflict in my area of ministry, maybe it’s my fear of making a mistake that’s making it so exhausting and not the conflict itself.   In other words, we are wanting the situations in our ministries to change when God might be more interested in changing us.  We might leave a ministry role that God was wanting to use to refine our character. 

#3.  I once heard a message called “The Glory of Wanting to Quit.”  I would give credit to the guy if I had any recollection of the speaker, but I don’t (sorry).  Essentially the message boiled down to one idea:  When you are doing something eternally significant, the opposition is going to be intense, and part of what goes along with that is really, really wanting to quit at times.  In other words, we need to expect to walk through hell if hell is what we are trying to rescue people from.  We need to remind ourselves that we are in an all-out war for the hearts and minds of people.  Sometimes war is absolutley miserable--and this shouldn’t be a shock to us.

#4.  If you are on the verge of quitting, you need to be processing your feelings with your spouse, a mentor and/or your closest friends.  Sometimes a situation seems overwhelming until we air it out in conversation with people who love and support us.  Talk, talk and talk some more.

#5.  Stepping away for a season can be helpful.  Far too few churches offer sabbaticals for their ministerial staff.  If yours doesn’t, ask for one and explain you need time away for personal renewal.  If they refuse to consider, have them call me.  J

#6.  Another way to get out of a funk is spend more time doing the things you really love about ministry.  This might mean spending more time developing a team of volunteers so you can delegate the things that drain you. 

Non-secret Leadership Paths...

 
My friend Benson wrote some great stuff on student leadership that I can't help highlighting.  His blog is well worth multiple visits.  He's got some great content. http://exploringcollegeministry.com

by Benson Hines

I have long been a believer in “testing and approving” students before they step into leadership within a college ministry. I know I’m not alone in that.

Along with that line of thought, college ministers will sometimes appoint leaders directly from among the “tested and approved,” instead of opening up the process ministry-wide. For example, future small group leaders might have to be “nominated” by present small group leaders, a “leadership council” might be hand-picked from among those who have served regularly for a year or more, and so on.

I’m not particularly opposed to the general idea of pursuing students who have proven faithful. In fact, I think it’s pretty smart to explicitly encourage obviously strong students lead within the campus ministry.

On the other hand, I’ve seen good reason to make the PATH to leadership at least available for everybody (while still using great discernment about whom we actually allow to lead). I’ve come to recognize that some great leaders may simply not be noticed through the “normal” means. If your ministry is larger than 30 people (and perhaps even if it isn’t), it’s very likely there are strong potential leaders you don’t know about.

Sometimes without even realizing it (and other times on purpose), we make leadership opportunities rather secret…

Introverts can slip through the cracks, as can recent Transfer Students, as can those longtime Christians who weren’t “radically saved” within your ministry. We might not realize the new arrival to our ministry has been serving faithfully at his church for 2 years, that the girl you hadn’t seen for 6 months has been studying abroad (“So that’s where you were!), or that that one alcoholic freshman has actually become a radical Jesus follower by Junior year.

We can miss people for a variety of reasons – maybe even just because they don’t fit our own personality. That’s why I think it’s worth making those leadership paths available – announcing opportunities, offering applications and/or interviews, and so on.

Take it from somebody who has slipped through the cracks himself before: You might be surprised at who God has brought to your college ministry.

Think in Terms of Next Steps

 by Brad Baker, College Pastor--Saddleback Church

For me, discipleship and spiritual growth boil down to two really simple words: next steps.  Between “come and see” & “come and die,” there are lots of little next steps Jesus invites his followers to take.  If we are meant to live our lives in response to God and offer our bodies ‘in view of God’s mercy,’ then slow progressive steps will be the norm of spiritual development.  Physiologically, this is true of every human when it comes to things like our balance, speech, and memory.  Why would our spiritual growth be any different?  The more we see, know and experience of God’s amazing heart, the more we surrender and abandon ourselves to his purposes for our existence. 

College ministries that fail to acknowledge this reality will, at best, accidentally help people along their path toward maturity.  If you don’t think of spiritual growth in terms of next steps, you’ll inevitably get frustrated with people who aren’t moving along as fast as you think they should.  Imagine expecting an infant to run a marathon or asking a 12-year-old to pass a medical school entrance exam.  We don’t expect those kinds of things because we’ve accurately gauged their developmental stage.  In the same way, we rarely know the exact level of someone’s spiritual maturity, so our expectations of them need to be held loosely.  We should not be shocked, surprised, or disappointed when someone in their emotional and spiritual infancy train wrecks a relationship or isn’t interested in serving anyone but themselves.  Instead of getting mad at immature people, we need to meet them right where they are and show them their next step toward health and wholeness. 

Here are some practical ways to think in terms of next steps when it comes to college ministry:

#1.  Some need to focus on recovery over involvement.  We are all recovering from something (usually multiple things).  Some of us need to push aside some of what fills our schedule to focus on a season of healing, restoration, detox, and restitution.  Ideally these things should happen in the regular rhythm of our lives, but often they don’t because there is just too much going on.  I often ask a student to take a break from leading/serving so they can focus on the health of their own heart, mind, and relationships.  Having the following at your fingertips can be helpful:  a list of really good Christian counselors, a stack of books on specific topic you can give students for free, a general idea of how you are going to handle a student struggling with addiction, a list of churches in your area that offer Celebrate Recovery (assuming yours doesn’t) and a list of mentors who are ready to love on hurting students. 

#2.  Offer crawl, walk, and run responses to every challenge you give.  This helps anyone take action on the challenge without stepping into something that will completely overwhelm them.  Granted, sometimes getting students who don’t swim pushed into the deep is a good thing.  However, some will get so traumatized by the experience they will never come near the water again.  Here’s how this might play out practically:  Challenging students to get into a small group is always a good idea.  However, some freak out at the thought of discussing God and life with a group of peers they might barely know.  So the solution is to challenge people to take a smaller step first, like meeting someone new, going to the annual cookout, playing Ultimate Frisbee or eating a free meal after service.  Crawl, walk , run applies to serving opportunities, overseas mission trips, and spiritual habits (just to name a few). 

#3.  Expect them to screw it up.  When a toddler is learning to walk, we delight in their attempts to make it from point A to point B.  But when a ‘baby Christian’ struggles to overcome a specific area of sin, we express our displeasure one way or another.  We are called to restore people who are trapped in sin, not remind them of how bad they messed up.  Perhaps our students need to first know our love for them is unconditional before they hear us say “go and sin no more.”  If you aren’t expecting your college students to make a few awful decisions along the way, it’s time to make an adjustment.  Decide now how you will respond to their brokenness when it shows up. 

Dare We Talk Spiritual Gifts?

 
By Brett Prouty (College Ministry Volunteer Leader)

Confusion is one of the most challenging things to deal with in ministry. It occurs most often when a controversial topic comes up. It can lead to arguments, debates and even factions forming within a community.  College ministry is ripe for confusion and division since students come together from a wide variety of church backgrounds and worldviews.  Combine this reality with a topic like spiritual gifts and you’ve got a potential train wreck on your hands.  College students typically adhere to 1 of 3 positions related to spiritual gifs. Some fall into the cessationist camp, claiming some or all of the gifts aren’t valid for today.  Others place such an emphasis on the gifts that it’s difficult to get them talking about much else.  And the third group is simply clueless.  Put these 3 clans together in the same ministry and watch the drama unfold.  Add to this a possible fourth view that sees spiritual gifts as such a powder-keg that they won’t touch the topic with a ten-foot pole. Maybe you see yourself or your ministry fitting into one or more of these categories.  Regardless, we don’t want to feel unequipped when this comes up.  We need to lead our communities with clarity, grace, and love.  Avoiding the topic won’t suffice. Quieting those who bring it up only reveals our fears and insecurities as leaders.  We need to lean into challenging situations when they come up, not back down.  In doing so we grow, our students grow, and our ministry becomes healthier over the long haul.  We may even discover our own opinions changing in the process.  For example, you might realize that one spiritual gift is elevated (almost worshiped) over the others.

We had a season in our college ministry where spiritual gifts took center stage.  I worked with Brad to help clear the confusion and keep our ministry from getting derailed. We found that there are four simple things that can help sort out the confusion if it’s already started or help prevent it from occurring.

▪      Make sure your student leaders have a clear biblical understanding of the spiritual gifts and their proper use. If your student leaders have a basic understanding of spiritual gifts, they will be able to spot misunderstandings cropping up. This not only gives you the opportunity to then address individuals bringing in different views but it gives your student leaders the chance to disciple their peers. If the leaders in your ministry come from different backgrounds, this also prevents them from inadvertently spreading controversial ideas.

▪      Teaching a series on spiritual gifts can clarify a lot of the misunderstandings that occur. Teaching a series also gives you the opportunity to explain the biblical view of spiritual gifts to your entire group at one time. This saves a lot of time trying to reconcile views from different groups in a one-on-one setting. When confusion was occurring in our ministry, we taught a series through the book of 1 Corinthians. Through the series we were able to explain not only a biblical view of spiritual gifts but also how to correctly incorporate them in ministry and fellowship.

▪      Question and answer forums are a simple way to help students get answers to questions that may not have been answered by a series or sermon. Because of the diversity of students’ backgrounds and the complexity of a topic like spiritual gifts, it’s almost impossible to answer every question that a student might have. Forums are great because students with similar questions can get answers at the same time, rather than having to meet with them individually. It’s also a great way to gauge where your students are coming from and other areas that might have conflicting viewpoints.

▪      Putting together literature explaining biblical views is an easy way to get information to individuals that might be new to your ministry and miss the series. College ministry is constantly changing. There is a constant turnover of students and you can’t always teach a series explain biblical views on a topic. Literature explaining a topic gives you the ability help newer students, who might not have been there for a series, come to an understanding on a given topic. This doesn’t always mean that you need to put together your own literature for every topic that might cause confusion. There’s a lot of great stuff already put together that you can use without having to put a ton of time and research into it. When this came up in our own ministry we used a combination of material that had already been created by another church and stuff that we put together in house.

Confusion related to spiritual gifts isn’t likely to ever fully fade away.  However, being up front about your church’s stance can eliminate much of the potential drama.  There was confusion on this topic in the early church so much that Paul devoted three chapters of 1 Corinthians to clarifying it. For God is not a God of disorder but of peace. (1 Corinthians 14:33). By taking simple steps, we can keep clarity in our ministry and keep confusion to a minimum.

 

Click Download Crave's Spiritual Gifts Handout for the content Brad and I put together for our community. 

Click SPIRITUAL GIFTS  for more additional content from Mark Driscol.

The College Ministry 8

 
This post is a few years old but it’s great.  Justin Holcomb posted this on The Resurgence blog.  My friend Aaron Stern (aaronstern.com) tweaked #3, #7 and #8 to make it more applicable to the college ministry world.  Happy Reading--Brad Baker (College Pastor, Saddleback Church)

I've learned some lessons about doing campus ministry both the hard way and from great mentors. Here are the top six (now eight) things you need to know if you're doing college ministry:

1. Don't confuse the gospel with religion
To prevent doing this, talk about Jesus (who he is and what he has done) all the time. If you don't, students will think Christianity is really about something else, like morality, philosophy, piety, social justice, or a religious experience. If you start talking more about what they should do instead of what Jesus has done, you're preaching another gospel (Gal. 1:6-9), which is to put heavy burdens on them (Matt. 23:2-4).

2. Learn about sexual assault
The prevalence of sexual assault is staggering. At least 1 in 4 women and 1 in 7 men are or will be victims of sexual assault in their lifetime. And the numbers are much worse for college students. These young women and men feel crippling shame, deep guilt, and painfully alone because of what has been done to them.

3. Teach students how to read and interpret the Bible for themselves
This means giving a clear picture of the meta-narrative of the Bible.  Having a birds-eye view of the whole story helps one know how the individual stories and passages fit together.  Without context we run the danger of extricating meaning based on our experiences and feelings and thus making the Bible say what we want it to say.  The most simple presentation of the story of the Bible is the Children's Bible called The Jesus Storybook Bible.  We must also teach students that the Bible is not a book to be used but a story to be entered.

4. Be prepared to comfort students because of divorce and death
College students are at a phase in life where their parents seem to get divorced, if they aren't already, now that their children are leaving home. This is also the age when grandparents begin to die.

5. Study apologetics
Many students still have brain cells left, and they've been reading and thinking about their world. They have legitimate questions about who Jesus is and what he did and why he isn't just a good example. They want to know why they should trust the Bible as reliable. The immense suffering in the world makes them doubt either the goodness or power of God or both. They think Christians are hypocrites and bigots, so why should they become one?

6. Be prepared to counsel students about what they're really facing
You must be prepared to counsel about eating disorders, pornography, cutting, abusive relationships, and the lingering damage of sexual sin. College students tend to be the shock-absorbers of the myths our cultural sells. Idols are brutal slave masters.

7. Teach students what to look for in a church.
Students in college ministries will not be there for more than a few years and chances are they will at some point move to another city.  I find that I have a huge opportunity to shape their ideas of what Church is all about.  I want them to embrace and engage the local church, even when they can't find one that "fits" their preferences.  The Church is more than a social club for Christians and goes much deeper than worship style or service length.  Church is the people of God - a supernatural, God-inspired, Holy Spirit-driven, less-about-me-and-all-about-God-and His-plan-for-the-world community of faith.

8. Invite students into a story that is bigger than they are.
Our culture teaches, and our sinful nature believes, that the biggest story is our own.  History began and ends with the story of God and only when we allow our story to become part of His much bigger story are we able to become who God made us to be.

www.aaronstern.com

Emotional Health Part II

 
by Brad Baker, College Pastor--Saddleback Church

Self-awareness is a journey few embark on because the realizations are often just too hard to swallow.  Seeing yourself more clearly can feel like coming out of a nice cozy slumber only to face a glaring light pointed directly at your eyes.  Although uncomfortable, self-awareness is a vital step in moving toward greater emotional health and wholeness.  Perhaps it’s realizing how some event in your past is still affecting you in the present.  Maybe it’s understanding for the first time why you get so angry during routine conflict with those closest to you.  Proverbs 4:7 states, “Though it cost all you have, get understanding.”  Sometimes the price we pay to get in touch with what’s really going on inside is high.  But whether it’s time, money, pain, or relational drama it’s always worth the price.

When we pay the price to gain understanding about ourselves we are no longer fighting or being influenced by invisible factors.  We finally see why we react the way we do and relate to others in the same old pattern.  We finally see what’s behind that deep sense of insecurity when we’re put in the spot light or asked to lead in some capacity.  Sometimes the understanding comes quickly and seems obvious.  Take for example a young man who was physically and verbally assaulted by his father growing up.  He may think about the abuse he faced every day and be able to clearly see how his childhood has hindered his ability to bond now with the young woman he’s dating.  He may smother his girlfriend, seeking the approval and validation from her that he never received as a young child.  And then in a flash, his anger may push her away if he can’t meet her expectations.  Her normal concerns pound like a hammer on the exposed nerve of his ‘father-wound.’  Even those with low levels of self-understanding can make the connection here.  Perhaps the more difficult task is for those who grew up in seemingly healthy homes. 

In “healthy homes,” the motto is that nothing is wrong and there aren’t any issues worth discussing or calling much attention to.  Below this veneer of having it all together lies the more subtle wounds inflicted by parents on their children.  Because some families and parents never openly talk about their mistakes or broken areas, wounds can be buried for years.  It usually takes some traumatic event in the life of these now-adult children to expose their childhood wounds.  Some people in their thirties and forties have never looked at their childhood through adult eyes.  They’ve never taken a close look at their own childhood journey because they assumed little if any insight would be gained.  Herein lies the great danger.  We all grew up in broken homes but only some of us realize it.  We all grew up amidst varying levels of dysfunction but hardly ever come to face that reality.  Our well-meaning parents failed us.  They weren’t perfect.   No matter how nice and neat our upbringing may appear on the surface, there are insights to be gained for those brave enough to explore them.

Take for example the daughter who grew up with a well meaning mother who protected her from anything risky or remotely uncomfortable.  On the surface it appears she has the most attentive and loving mom on the planet.  Although doing her best, Mom is actually crippling her daughter and pre-programming her to experience high levels of fear, apprehension, and anxiety later in life.  Or what about the son who grew up with a well-meaning dad who thought he was doing his due diligence by showing up at all the sporting events?  What dad failed to do was connect with his son emotionally and check in on the true heart condition of his boy.  On the surface Dad looks like the present and involved father we all long for.  But his son grew up not knowing what emotional connection is all about.  In fact, he may actually have an aversion to intimacy and be unable to process other peoples’ strong feelings.  Both son and daughter in these scenarios may never examine their family origins because on the surface they appear solid.  Again, herein lies the problem; the lack of self-awareness and understanding about how the past is affecting the present—and the future if realization doesn’t come. 

Looking back at our early years can be tough.  We do it not so we can blame our issues on mom and dad or justify our mistakes by playing the victim card.  We do it so we can understand ourselves and help those we love understand why at times we digress into rather childish ways of relating.  We do it so we can learn to walk on new pathways that lead toward intimacy and a more healthy holistic way of relating.  When understanding comes we usually have more compassion on ourselves.  When we explain our insights to those around us they too will have more compassion.  The level of anger and annoyance will diminishes as we realize we are all in the process of recovering from something.

Things you can do to increase your increase your emotional health

Learn to put your feelings into words

Honestly evaluate the realities of your childhood

Examine the areas of pain in your life

Ask yourself why you’re vulnerable to certain sins

Pray Psalm 139:23-24 every day

Go see a Christian counselor

Read “How We Love” by Milan and Kay Yurkovich

Emotionally Healthy Leaders

 
by Brad Baker, College Pastor--Saddleback Church

Ministry can take a toll on your emotions.  The unique pressures of ministry leadership have sent many good people packing on a search for a new line of work.  Emotional health and growth in the lives of leaders is one of the most underrated topics and we’ll continue to pay a steep price if we don’t start talking about it.   Pastors and church staff are thrown into the fray on day one of their jobs and as a result a lot of things get unearthed in them in the process.  For example I had no clue about half the broken places in my heart until the heat got turned up in my job as a college pastor.  I lived for years in denial of how unhealthy certain aspects of my heart really were. It wasn’t until I read Peter Scazzero’s books on emotional heath that the lights started to come on deep inside me (Emotionally Healthy Spiritually and Emotionally Healthy Church).  There was an assessment at the end of one of his chapters that I didn’t like the results of—to say the least.  I scored as an emotional infant.   Just in case you’re wondering I was 29 years old at the time.  So much of my emotional infancy had to do with my lack of self-awareness.  I didn’t know the emotional forces at play within me.  As a result I was being affected, even controlled, by my past wounds that I’d never processed or addressed. 

Becoming more self-aware is one of the greatest gifts you can give to yourself and those you lead in ministry.  One of the simplest ways to increase your self-awareness is by learning to put your emotions to words.  I feel ___________ (insert word here).  You can’t use good, fine or ok.  Those words don’t communicate much of anything.  Pick a word with some color (aggravated, peaceful, enraged, panicked or alone) and explain to the best of your ability why you feel that way.  To most ladies, this comes as naturally as talking.  But most guys need help here.  Our culture has told us that men aren’t as emotional as women, but that’s simply not the case.  Men are just a little behind the curve on expressing them.

Our emotions are often the gateway to understanding why we do what we do.  They can lead us down a trail that reveals what our thoughts and behaviors are rooted in.  For example, a person who grew up in a home where they were neglected at some level may actually fear intimacy and true connection with others.  It’s unfamiliar and scary to them.  As a result, they develop friendships and dating relationships right up to the point where they are challenged to open up.  At that moment, the relationships abruptly end.  If this person never examines this and asks why, they may be trapped in this unhealthy pattern for many years.  When you apply this to a ministry leadership context the implications are scary.  You could be deathly afraid of criticism and as a result never invite others into your area of ministry for fear of their constructive comments.  The wound and fear of feeling insignificant might be such a sensitive area that you would rather burnout trying to do it all alone, than invite others in who could help shoulder the load. 

Close relationships are the greatest context for revealing the things in us that God wants to address.  When dysfunction in a relationship emerges, we should always ask, “What’s this rooted in?”  The same question should be asked about the destructive habits we have.  Nasty habits are the symptom, not the root of the real problem.  It’s up to us, with the help of the Holy Spirit, to discover what those habits are rooted in and fueled by.  A sinful or dysfunctional habit is often just our way of coping with some unhealed wound from our past.  Even if it’s not outright sinful, we need to be paying attention to our hearts.  If we continually avoid conflict or feel this crazy need to please our boss at all times then a part of our hearts needs attention FAST. 

Far too many of us think or say “That’s just the way I am.”  Not so!  There is always a reason why.  Becoming more self-aware can be a very difficult process.  It may force you to re-visit the pain of your past or face the harsh realities of your childhood for the very first time.  As tough as that can be, the alternative is far worse.  Living your life oblivious to the true condition of your own heart is not living at all.  Those who lack high levels of self-awareness push their relationships out onto thin ice.   Those who lack high levels of self-awareness will find themselves stuck in the same destructive habits year after year.  The time to ask “why” is now.  For years I struggled with a pornography addiction.  It seems crazy that I would risk SO much for a few fleeting moments of escape.  It wasn’t until I asked, “What’s driving this in me”, that I begin to experience complete freedom.  Unresolved pain from my past, that I had push way down, was the gravitational force that pulled me to false comfort.  I paid a huge price for my lack of self-understanding. 

Things you can do to increase your self-awareness:

Learn to put your feelings into words

Honestly evaluate the realities of your childhood

Examine the areas of pain in your life

Ask yourself why you’re vulnerable to certain sins 

Pray Psalm 139:23-24 every day

Go see a Christian counselor (one of the best decisions my wife and I have ever made)

Read “How We Love” by Milan and Kay Yurkovich

Read Peter Scazzero’s books on emotional health